Today’s news:

Trouble with the ‘Grapefruit Mom’

In last week’s column, I spoke of how great the Labor Day weekend was at the DoubleTree Somerset. Reminiscing about Ravenhall Pool, I met friends I hadn’t seen in 60 years.It was almost a perfect weekend, spoiled only by the stupidity of the ‘Grapefruit Mom,’who said to me, “Little girls are smarter than boys.”

Sharon was sitting on the steps at the low end of the pool, when I saw this little tyke, couldn’t be more than two, wobbling as only little girls can do trying to get to the steps where Sharon was sitting. I called Sharon...”Stop that baby, where’s her mother?”About a minute or two later the ‘Grapefruit Mom’ came and took her daughter. I don’t want to be vulgar so I’ll leave to your intelligence why I dubbed her the ‘Grapefruit Mom.’ All I could add is that everyone poolside was wondering when one of the grapefruits would pop out of the bikini.

The little girl was pulled by her mom who didn’t notice that the tyke had tripped and she was dragging her. Sharon told me that what I thought were grapefruits were implants, too perfectly round to be real. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing too, not so much her skimpy attire, but the total disinterest in the welfare of the little girl or her seven-year-old son.

The next day we met some of our newer friends, whom we hadn’t seen this year and that we see every summer. We rehashed how bad the summer weekends had been and asking about the regulars of the pool club, which no longer existed, thanks to the economy. While in the pool I noticed ‘Grapefruit Mom’ comingwith her little brood and sitting in the lounge chair completely entranced with the male sitting in the adjacent lounge chair at the deep end of the pool.

Her seven-year-old son dove in the pool swimming in the high end; this attracted his young sister who started throwing a beach ball to him. Picture this little baby throwing the beach ball half her size to her brother by the edge of the eight-foot deep pool, while ‘Grapefruit Mom’ was making goo-goo eyes at the male next to her, instead of watching her daughter. I swam to the edge of the pool waiting for the inevitable to happen. And eventually, after a half hour, the girl went by her totally inattentive mother. To prove a point, many times the brother called his mother “Mom, Mom, MOM, MOM” and never once in the 14 calls did she turn around to see what he wanted.

‘Grapefruit Mom’ was not really attractive, pretty, or had a nice body so thus apparently was the reason for the grapefruits recently acquired.Swimming to the steps to leave the pool, the little girl appeared with her mother.I told her, “My son watches his kids like a hawk, and yet his three-year-old son jumped in the pool within a split second. And he had to dive in after him.” Smart-ass ‘Grapefruit Mom’ responded, “Well little girls are smarter than little boys. She wouldn’t jump in the water!”

Well how come she tripped twice running around the pool and what happens if she loses her balance, you’ll never be able to dive in after her with those balloons you got!

Screech at you next week!

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