Today’s news:

Drawer devil

A 47-year-old man was arrested last week after he allegedly attacked another man with...a dresser drawer?

Hey, stranger things have happened, said cops from the 76th Precinct, who arrested suspected furniture swinger Joseph Schilling on charges of assault, criminal possession of a weapon and menacing.

Officials said that Schilling was arguing with another man inside an address on Union Street near Hicks Street at 5 p.m. on October 31 when he allegedly turned a simple drawer into a weapon.

He reportedly hit the other man in the calf with it, leaving the 63-year-old victim with a minor injury.

Police said that the two men were allegedly embroiled in a landlord-tenant dispute when the attack took place.

Police are looking for the thieves who targeted three Van Brunt Street addresses last week.

Workers at a shoe store on Van Brunt Street near King Street said that they were left sole-less on October 25 after someone broke their glass door and removed 18 pairs of Timberland boots, as well as a desk top computer.

About a day later, someone tried to break into the mail room of a Van Brunt Street building just down the block from the shoe store, although the thief was unable to gain entry.

Earlier in the week, someone swiped two bicycles from a Van Brunt Street apartment building near Dikeman Street. The victim said that he had left the $1200 two wheeler and its $100 sidekick in a common area of the building at 8 p.m. on October 23. When he went to retrieve them the next morning, they were gone.

Investigators could not find any signs that someone had broken into the apartment building, leading them to believe that the theft was committed by another tenant or an acquaintance of a tenant.

Cops are asking anyone with information regarding these two break-ins to come forward.

Calls can be made to the 76th Precinct at (718) 439-4211. All calls will be kept confidential.

Cops are scratching their heads over who would want to take a $6,000 lift machine from a Red Hook equipment rental company.

Police were told that the pricey piece of equipment was removed from a lot near the corner of Bay and Hicks street sometime before October 12 although the crime wasn’t reported until October 28.

Workers at Sunbelt Rental said that they had contacted the last person who had borrowed the lift machine, who said that they had brought it back on October 5.

A bumbling thief tried his best to steal a car parked on Huntington Street but left with nothing but headaches for himself as well as the car’s owner, police said this week.

Cops were told that someone attempted to pilfer the green 1998 Honda Civic four door near Smith Street sometime between October 27 and October 31, but was unable to kick the engine over.

When the owner finally came to retrieve the car, he found the door handle damaged and the ignition tampered with, officials said.

Two gun-toting toughs are being sought for a robbery on Baltic Street.

A 19-year-old man told police that he had just walked inside the lobby of a building between Hoyt and Bond streets at 11:40 p.m. on October 22 when the suspects stopped him in his tracks.

One of the thugs pulled a revolver, stuck it in the victim’s face and robbed the man of $300 and two cell phones.

The thieves then fled the building, leaving his victim unharmed.

The thieves were described as a 5’11” black male with short hair and a goatee dressed all in blue and a 5’8”, 180-pound black male sporting a black baseball cap.

Anyone with information regarding the whereabouts of these two men are urged to come forward.

Calls can be made to the 76th Precinct at (718) 834-3211. All calls will be kept confidential.

A thief broke into a Columbia Street eatery recently, swiping $1600 in receipts.

Workers at the restaurant between Hamilton Avenue and Woodhull Street said that someone entered the business between 5:30 and 7 a.m. on October 24.

The 42-year-old manager said that the only thing missing was the cash receipts, which he said were plucked right out of the register.

Cops were still trying to determine how the thief got into the restaurant as this paper went to press.

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