Today’s news:

Wake and bake

76th Precinct

Carroll Gardens

Cobble Hill–Red Hook

Wake ’n’ bake

A man was arrested after slamming his Chevy Blazer it another car on the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway on March 11 — and then cops discovered that he was high as a kite on the wacky weed.

Officers responding to the 9 am crash near Atlantic Avenue noticed that the 48-year-old driver had watery and bloodshot eyes. Closer inspection revealed a familiar stench popularized in the Lynyrd Skynyrd song, “Ooh, That Smell.” Eventually, a bag of pot and a spent joint were found, too.

The man was arrested.

Utility belt

Cops collared a man after spotting him wearing a gravity knife on his utility belt near the corner of Richards and Wolcott streets in Red Hook early on March 12.

Officer Yougyal Tsering arrested the man at around 1:30 am after confirming that he was not, in fact, Batman.

Not Ceol

A perp kicked in the door and broke the cash register at Ceol on Smith Street on March 9, but didn’t take anything.

Cops said that the man broke into the joint, which is near Warren Street, between 2 and 5 am.

Congress stinks

A thief let himself into a Congress Street apartment on March 9, taking a cellphone, credit cards and a laptop.

The tenant in the apartment, which is between Court and Clinton streets, told cops that he might have left the door open between 11:45 am and 12:45 pm.

Missed it

A thief missed a full envelope of cash that sitting on the table of a First Street apartment on March 9, but he did get away with some bills and a laptop.

Cops said that the thug entered the unit, which is between Hoyt and Bond streets, at around 7:30 pm and scooped up the items. But he failed to take an envelope on a table that contained $680.

He got $100, though.

— Gersh Kuntzman

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