Today’s news:

Stan points the finger — again and again

The following is another smorgasbord of facts and opinions:

The sky is falling. Bush’s fault. Everything that can possibly go wrong … Bush’s fault. After 40 years of marriage, Tipper and Al are splitting and it is Bush’s fault. No, I’m not kidding. On Tuesday, June 1, CBS News shouted that the marriage began the descent down into the dumps when Gore lost to W 10 years ago. According to family friend, Washington Post journalist Sally Quinn, who commented on the loss, “He’ll never get over that and neither will she.”

So now they are getting divorced. I hope she gets the house.

•••

Scott Rasmussen just released the results of a very interesting poll. While the print media is shrinking, only 26 percent of American voters prefer to get their news online. A whopping 63 percent would rather read the printed edition of the newspaper. But he didn’t bother to ask why. I have a strong feeling that it has something to do with the inconvenience of schlepping a computer into the bathroom.

•••

Venting his anger in the direction of BP, my president sounded off on all the oil companies with threats about raising their taxes. Does Exxon really care? When gasoline taxes are increased they are merely passed along to the consumers at the pump. Look forward to $5 a gallon. Thank you, BO.

•••

Umpire Jim Joyce blew the call, robbing a Detroit pitcher of a perfect game and his rightful place in the history books. Again, for the umpteenth time, sports fans are clamoring for the use of the instant replay. One of the reasons the umps are against using modern technology is because, according to them, it will slow the game down. That’s a crock. A blown call leads to a 10 minute argument with tempers flaring, some cuss words and players ejected. Televising the inaccuracy via the use of modern equipment takes 20 seconds and will speed the game up. Hey, c’mon Mr. Selig — now is the time to show us some — you guessed it — balls. For the sake of accuracy, change the rules.

•••

My president promised America that he will put more people back to work. Way back we knew that many Americans drove old cars because that’s all they could afford. With the Cash for Clunkers program, loads of jalopies were taken to the junk heap. Good — now many of us are out there driving much better cars? One problem is becoming more and more apparent. Many of us cannot make the payments on those better cars. So now repo men are working overtime. Yup — my president kept his promise.

•••

There’s lots of talk about boycotting BP. Right! Let’s boycott BP and put them out of business. Then who will pay for all the damages caused by the company?

On the other hand, should we go out of our way to buy BP gas and reward them for the troubles they caused? Hmmm. What are your thoughts on this?

•••

About Helen Thomas — the world learned about her true anti-Semitic feelings when she was seen crying uncontrollably the day the Pharaoh set the slaves free.

•••

Someone said that Chicago is a pretty safe city. I am StanGershbein@Bellsouth.net asking, why shouldn’t it be? All the goniffs are in Washington.

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