Today’s news:

Machete maniac attacks straphanger

Sinister straphanger

A machete-wielding maniac robbed a woman of her handbag on a Coney Island-D train on July 27 as it rumbled past Avenue U.

The 26-year-old victim told police she got on the train in Manhattan at around 4 am and fell asleep.

Nearly an hour later she was awakened by the thug’s hands round her throat.

The thief demanded her property, but when she said she didn’t have anything, he flew into a rage.

Police said he pulled a machete, threw the woman onto the floor and kicked her in the head before running off with her purse.

Turning the tables

Two goons tried to rob a 27-year-old at the corner of East 18th Street and Avenue U on July 26, but their victim had a surprise up his sleeve — his fist.

The victim told police he was nearing the corner at 3:15 pm when the two suspects rolled up in a black Lexus, asking him for the time.

He pulled out his Blackberry and rattled off the time and the thieves rolled off, only to come back a short time later on foot. One of the men had a Stiletto knife in his hand. “Give me your Blackberry and everything you got,” the thief ordered.

But the victim didn’t relent.

Instead, he punched the thief in the face and ran off. The suspects ran off in the other direction, police said.

Arson angle

A FDNY fire marshal has declared a blaze which broke out in a Midwood home three months ago to be arson.

Sources said that the findings were released on July 26, claiming that the May 4 blaze on East 5th Street between Quentin Road and Kings Highway was started by some kind of an incendiary device.

The fire caused a lot of damage, but no injuries were reported, police said.

Mail menace

A woman went to her mailbox on East 18th Street on July 30 and pulled out something quite surprising — a B.B. gun.

Cops were told the discovery was made at about 2 pm between Quentin Road and Avenue R.

The woman surrendered the pistol to police, who are trying to see if it can be linked to any crimes in the area.

Cellphone swipe

A thief snagged a cell phone from a woman on July 28, but never got enough time to make a call.

The 27-year-old woman told police she was nearing the corner of Kings Highway and Utica Avenue just before 10:30 pm when the 22-year-old thug approached and demanded her cell phone.

The thug ran off with the phone, only to be arrested a short time later.

Tool taker

A hard hat hooligan broke into a van teeming with tools on July 26.

A worker for Dynamic Builder Corp. said the car was parked on Kings Highway near East 38th Street when someone broke in and made off with the tools.

Diamond swipe

A crafty crook made off with a pricey pair of diamond earrings after he switched the studs with cubic zirconiums, cops were told.

A worker at a Kings Plaza jewelry store, which is on Avenue U and Flatbush Avenue, believes the theft took place sometime after 9:30 am on July 19.

Shoplifters nabbed

Two teenage thieves were arrested on July 29 after they tried to swipe some clothes from a Kings Plaza department store.

Workers said the hooligans tried to exit the store with the clothes at 11:22 pm, but were nabbed by store security guards.

Ave. M break-in

A burglar forced his way into a home on Avenue M on July 18, taking an assortment of electronics from inside.

The 47-year-old homeowner between East 46th and East 47th streets told police the thief pried open a screened-in window sometime after 3 am.

Car looting

A car thief broke into an car parked on Ralph Avenue between Avenues K and L on July 26, taking some electronics and an assortment of clothes.

The thief cleaned out the car sometime after 10:45 am, the 39-year-old owner told police.

Van swipe

A thief looted a van parked on East 42nd Street on July 27, taking an assortment of pricey electronics.

The victim, an electrician by trade, told police that the van was parked between Avenues I and J when it was broken into sometime after 12 pm.

Carjacker sought

A gun-toting thug settled for a 2001 GMC Yukon when he couldn’t get any money from his victim on July 23.

The 25-year-old victim had just exited his vehicle after parking it on East 58th Street between Foster and Farragut roads at 2:12 am when the stranger pulled a gun on him, demanding his cash.

When the victim said he didn’t have any money, the thief demanded the keys to the car and drove off with it, police were told.

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