Today’s news:

He’s in the kitchen!

84th Precinct

Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown

Lucky louse

A thief was snooping around in a woman’s apartment on Aug. 1, but got away after being confronted by the tenants.

The woman told cops that her boyfriend had stepped out of her apartment on State Street between Hoyt and Bond streets at around 4:15 pm and then she heard strange noises from another room. She went to investigate and saw a stranger in the kitchen.

“Oh, I’m sorry, wrong apartment,” the misdirected mischief maker said.

The woman then followed the man as he walked out of the building, where the pair ran into the absent boyfriend, who said he didn’t know the man.

That’s when the boyfriend went back upstairs to check for his wallet and, believe it or not, it was missing.

By that time, so was the thief.

Train trouble

Ben Folds was apparently lying when he said “we can be happy underground” — numerous incidents went down on the subways within the confines of the 84th Precinct last week.

• A thief snatched an iPod on a Manhattan-bound N train on July 25. The victim told cops that the subway doors were about to close at the Pacific Street station at around 2:30 am when the creep, standing on the platform, reached in and made his move.

• A thug robbed a woman twice on a Manhattan-bound F train on July 28. The victim told cops that she was en route to the York Street stop at around 2:15 am when the jerk approached her and demanded cash, saying he had a knife. When the victim insisted that she had no money, the thief took her cellphone instead. When the train arrived at York Street, the crook appeared to consider disembarking, but instead returned to his victim and demanded money. This time, she handed over $50. The thief then got off the train at the East Broadway stop in Manhattan.

• Four troublemaking teens stole a woman’s iPhone in the Jay Street-Borough Hall station on July 31. The victim told cops that three of the punks approached her at around 3 am and asked questions about the subway schedule. The teens’ fourth accomplice then sneaked up, reached in her bag, and stole the phone, along with two credit cards and an ID.

• A thief snatched a woman’s iPhone right out of her hand as she sat on a Manhattan-bound N train on July 31. The victim told cops that the train was pulling into the Pacific Street station at around 2:40 pm when the thief made his move.

Car-be-gone

A thief stole a Suzuki motorcycle parked on Bridge Street on July 24.

The owner of the crotch rocket said that he had last seen his ride between Willoughby and Fulton Streets at around noon. When he returned three hours later it was gone.

Film fiend

A thief stole two laptops from a Jay Street film production company on July 26.

An employee at Portrayal Films said that the perp walked into the company’s offices at Water Street at around noon and asked for a “mikey.” The thief then walked to another office and then walked out with a large black bag.

Shortly thereafter it was realized the thief had stolen two Macbook Pros.

Cadman caper

A 13-year-old thief was caught stealing a soccer player’s bag while he mimmicked his World Cup heroes in Cadman Plaza West Park on July 27.

A witness said that he saw the kid snooping around the soccer player’s unattended bag between Johnson and Tillary streets at around 8 pm. The witness then gave chase, and flagged down cops, who retrieved the man’s bag, which contained a cellphone, jeans, a watch, an iPod, and a wallet.

Broke-in

Two teen thieves broke into a Bridge Street apartment and stole a bounty of electronics and other items on July 29 — but were quickly collared.

The victim told cops that the troublemakers entered her apartment between York and Front streets through the sliding glass door sometime after 9:20 am.

When she returned about 10 hours later, jewelry, tools, an Xbox 360, a PlayStation 3, two iPods and three digital cameras were all gone. Officer Jason Berkowtiz arrested the two suspects the next day.

— Stephen Brown

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