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Itemizing a night in the hospital

During the last snowstorm of the season I was stupid enough to shovel out my driveway and front walk. When I came in I didn’t feel too well. I started having chest pains. I was scared enough to call 911. The EMT techs were great, they took a cardiogram, checked my pulse and calmed me down. It didn’t appear that I was having a heart attack, but better safe than sorry, so they brought me to the emergency room at the hospital. In the ER there were more tests, another EKG and more doctors who all concluded that I didn’t have a heart attack, but I should stay in the hospital overnight just to be safe. With two feet of snow on the ground and more expected, the hospital staff wasn’t taking any chances.

They checked me in and I waited for a room to open up. Finally I was taken to the cardiac-telemetry unit and settled in for the night. It was the usual private room, phone, TV and personal bathroom, but with a very Star Trek-ish bed. The mattress had sensors in it that kept tabs on body temperature as well as air chambers that inflated and deflated to adjust to every move. Despite the fact that I was hooked up to a dozen different monitors, I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud — and I had the best sleep of my life. The stay was short, I was glad to get home and very grateful that my shoveling didn’t do any damage to my heart.

Not for nuthin,™ $64 for four baby aspirins and Tums is highway robbery and a $6,300 tab for one night is ridiculous. But a night in that bed — that was priceless.

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