Today’s news:

Roasted purse! Senior’s bag swiped from Brennan & Carr

Brennan & Carr bilk

A sticky-fingered thief made off with a 71-year-old woman’s handbag on Aug. 5 as she feasted on sumptuous roast beef sandwiches at Brennan & Carr.

The woman said someone grabbed her bag as it hung off her chair inside the restaurant, which is at the corner of Nostrand Avenue and Avenue U.

About $500 and several credit cards were inside the bag when it was taken.

Raped on Utica

Two thugs sexually assaulted a 15-year-old girl during a horrific attack on Aug. 5.

Cops arrested the two fiends shortly after the attack, which took place on Utica Avenue between Avenues K and L at 11:50 pm, police said.

Pointed theft

A thief pulled a knife on a worker inside a Flatbush Avenue store on Aug. 2 and ran off with an assortment of electronics.

Police said the man entered the store, which is between Avenues J and K, at 11:45 pm, pulled the knife on the worker and demanded his property.

Two on one

A pair of thugs jumped a 14-year-old on Aug. 5, taking both his clothes and some electronics.

The victim told police he was nearing Avenue J and Flatlands Avenue at 9 pm when the suspects jumped him, punched him in the face and made off with his property.

Club lug

A man was arrested on Aug. 7 when he decided to get chesty with cops performing an impromptu inspection at a neighborhood club.

Police said they had entered the Kings Highway nightspot, which is between E. Seventh and E. Eigth streets, at 2 am to check for licenses when the 47-year-old suspect began cursing and “squaring up” to the cops.

When he wouldn’t get out of the way, cops arrested him, charging him with obstruction of government administration.

Fight over purse

A 19-year-old thief swiped a woman’s purse on Aug. 8, but his victim wouldn’t let him run off with his prize.

Police were told that the suspect jumped his victim near the corner of Mill Lane and Ralph Avenue at 9:45 pm.

But the woman put up a fight, delaying the thug’s escape long enough for the police to catch up to him.

Kimball caper

A thief snuck into a Kimball Street home on Aug. 4, but was caught in the act.

Police said the suspect entered the home, which is between Flatlands Avenue and Avenue P, through a rear sliding door. He was about to grab some property when the homeowner — who was inside —interrupted him.

The suspect fled and was last seen running down Flatlands Avenue, officials said.

Needing a lift

A thief used a ladder to get into a Mill Island home on Aug. 5.

A 38-year-old homeowner said she returned to her home, which is between Strickland Avenue and Mayfair Drive North, at 6 pm — only to find that her second floor window had been forced open.

She looked out the window and found a ladder underneath the sill, said police, who believe the thief swiped $1,500, some jewelry and ran out the back door.

Gone fishin’

A thief angling for a day of fly casting swiped several pieces of fishing equipment he found on the side of an East 49th Street home on Aug. 2.

The 58-year-old man of the sea who lived at the home, which is between Flatlands Avenue and Avenue L, said the equipment was stolen sometime after 6 pm.

Drugged up

Two drug addicts were arrested on Aug. 7 when they were found shooting up in a Quentin Road apartment building.

Cops were called to the building, which is between E. 17th and E. 18th streets, at 4 pm after a resident found the two men doing drugs in a sixth floor hallway.

When police showed up, the suspects, who did not live in the building, were found lounging out in a stairwell, officials said.

Sinister straphanger

A machete-wielding maniac robbed a woman of her handbag on a Coney Island-D train on July 27 as it rumbled past Avenue U.

The 26-year-old victim told police she got on the train in Manhattan at around 4 am and fell asleep.

Nearly an hour later she was awakened by the thug’s hands round her throat.

The thief demanded her property, but when she said she didn’t have anything, he flew into a rage.

Police said he pulled a machete, threw the woman onto the floor and kicked her in the head before running off with her purse.

Turning the tables

Two goons tried to rob a man at the corner of E. 18th Street and Avenue U on July 26, but their victim had a surprise up his sleeve — his fist.

The 27-year-old victim told police he was nearing the corner at 3:15 pm when the two suspects rolled up in a black Lexus, asking him for the time.

He pulled out his Blackberry and rattled off the time and the thieves rolled off, only to come back a short time later on foot. One of the men had a Stiletto knife in his hand. “Give me your Blackberry and everything you got,” the thief ordered.

But the victim didn’t relent.

Instead, he punched the thief in the face and ran off. The suspects ran off in the other direction, police said.

Tool taker

A hard hat hooligan broke into a van teeming with tools on July 26.

A worker for Dynamic Builder Corp. said the car was parked on Kings Highway near East 38th Street when someone broke in and made off with the tools.

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