Today’s news:

The air sex championship is the most fun you can have with your clothes on

It’s time to get your “O” face on — the Air Sex World Championships are coming to Williamsburg.

Yes, the same spirit that turned fake guitar playing into a nationally televised event has gone rogue, allowing you to replicate the aesthetic grace you display when you’re doing “it” to an entire audience at the Music Hall of Williamsburg — onstage and completely alone.

To be a Svengali of air sex, the bottom line is this: have a game plan. Indeed, air sex virgins should follow the advice of the veritable Wilt Chamberlain of air sex: host Chris Trew.

“Have a costume, have a game plan and commit 100 percent to whatever you’re doing,” said Trew. “If you’re having sex with a goat, then I wanna see you stroking its horns. I want that goat to be turned on.”

If the event’s anything like the U.S. Air Guitar Championship that we covered in April, then one can expect a face-full of titillation on Oct. 9. Contestants will thrust, grab and motorboat their way for two minutes, while covering all the bases of the air sex experience: meeting, seduction, foreplay,intercourse and, if successful, afterglow.

The performance is accompanied by the participant’s favorite song — you could go with Ravel’s “Bolero,” any Barry White tune or even Boston’s “More than a Feeling.”

In other words, oh, oh, oh yes.

Past that, there’s only one other rule: all climaxes must be simulated (and judges do not want to check). But everything else — props, teams and talking — is fair in this war of love.

Judges — local comedians, musicians and artists — will choose their three favorite sex acts based on a slew of factors, including realism, humor, and the ability to please the crowd (though not necessarily in the manner in which you are thinking).

The winning three will enter the final round, where they’ll do the horizontal bop to a mystery song. The champ will go on to compete the world title in Austin, TX — if he or she can penetrate the regionals later this year.

That said, all you have to do is sign up and you’re on your way to stimulating Williamsburg’s senses. Send an e-mail with your stage name (we like “Colin Oscopy”) and an MP3 file of your song to chris@airsexworldchampionships.com.

Air Sex World Championships at the Music Hall of Williamsburg [66 N. Sixth St. between Kent and Wythe avenues, (718) 486-5400]. Tickets are $15. For info, visit www.airsexworldfinals.com.

Pin It
Print this story Permalink

Reader Feedback

Enter your comment below

By submitting this comment, you agree to the following terms:

You agree that you, and not BrooklynDaily.com or its affiliates, are fully responsible for the content that you post. You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening or sexually-oriented material or any material that may violate applicable law; doing so may lead to the removal of your post and to your being permanently banned from posting to the site. You grant to BrooklynDaily.com the royalty-free, irrevocable, perpetual and fully sublicensable license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, perform and display such content in whole or in part world-wide and to incorporate it in other works in any form, media or technology now known or later developed.

CNG: Community Newspaper Group