Today’s news:

Volvo owner goes postal

77th Precinct

Prospect Heights

Road rampage

A crazed Volvo driver rear-ended a motorist on Underhill Avenue on Sept. 16, but then slammed his fist into his 20-year-old victim’s face instead of exchanging insurance information.

The victimized motorist was nearing Dean Street at 8:15 am when the red Volvo struck him.

The man driving the Swedish engineered car got out to ascertain the damage, but attacked his victim and drove off before anyone could jot down his license plate number.

Rack raid

A crook ripped a bicycle rack off the back of a 2010 Lexus on Park Place on Sept. 17, damaging the luxury car in the process.

The owner of the car said that the $135 rack, and the $300 car clips designed to fit the Lexus, were removed between 12:30 pm and 4 pm as the vehicle sat between Grand and Classon avenues.

Nine on one

A nonet of ne’er-do-wells attacked a 14-year-old girl outside her school on Underhill Avenue on Sept. 20, leaving their victim with a concussion.

The victim was exiting the school between Bergen Street and St. Marks Avenue at 3:20 pm when the nine teens — five girls and four boys ranging between 12 and 14 — jumped her.

The battered teen was removed to Woodhull Hospital in Williamsburg for treatment as cops rounded up and arrested the nine scrappers, charging them all with assault.

Bag swipe

A snake swiped a tote bag from a 32-year-old woman dining at a Bergen Street restaurant on Sept. 19.

The victim was eating in the restaurant’s sidewalk cafe at 8:45 pm when the thief grabbed the bag as it hung off the woman’s chair.

The tote bag contained the woman’s purse, credit cards and iPhone when it was taken, police were told.

Mirror madness

A vain villain swiped the side view mirrors off a U-Haul rental truck left on Vanderbilt Avenue on Sept. 14.

The truck was parked between Sterling and Park places at 11 am. Six and a half hours later, the mirrors were gone, cops were told.

— Thomas Tracy

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