Today’s news:

Geezer beater

84th Precinct

Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown

Bedroom beat

A brutal thug asked to use the bathroom of an 89-year-old living on Sidney Place and then beat down the old man and stole his stuff on Oct. 18.

The victim told cops that he was outside his home between Joralemon and State streets at around 1:10 pm when the jerk approached and asked to use his bathroom.

The victim obliged, and escorted the man into his apartment. Once inside, the assailant pushed the old man onto his bed and began rifling through his belongings. When the victim stood up and resisted, the thug punched him in the stomach and continued snooping around.

Eventually, the thug found a stash of $3,700 and took off in an awaiting getaway car.

Metrotech menace

A brazen thief swiped a man’s Blackberry right out of his hand as he walked in front of the Metrotech Center on Oct. 20.

The victim said he was on the busy stretch of Myrtle Avenue between Lawrence and Jay streets at around 6 pm when the bandit made his move. The victim then tried to recruit help from bystanders, but the thief took off running.

The victim managed to hear the thug say that he just got out of jail. The victim also noticed that the thief had no shoelaces.

Road rage

An irate driver flipped out after his car was rear-ended on Oct. 21, and was hauled off in handcuffs.

The victim said he rear-ended the nutcase’s car at Tillary Street and Flatbush Avenue at around 3:45 pm. That’s when the 25-year-old rageaholic jumped out of his car and began screaming and waving his hands wildly at the victim, who promptly called 911.

Meanwhile, the fuming wheelman demanded that the man move his car. After the victim resisted, the rabid road warrior moved it himself and then smashed the victim’s cellphone. By then, Officer Benito Ocasio had shown up and slapped the cuffs on the kooky driver.

Pew bandit

A thief swiped a woman’s purse after services at the Plymouth Church of the Pilgrims on Oct. 24.

The victim told cops that she’d just finished her weekly worship at around 2 pm at the church on Hicks Street between Cranberry and Orange streets when she went to check on her purse, which she had left in a maintenance room. That’s when she realized that the bag, containing $20 and an assortment of IDs, was missing. She noted that another event was taking place within the church.

Loft lift

A garment bandit stole more than $1,800 in merchandise from the Loft Store on Montague Street on Oct. 22.

An employee noticed that the assortment of shirts and cardigans were missing from the boutique between Henry and Hicks streets at around 9 pm. She was unsure when the thief made his move.

AT & TKO

Shoplifters raided two AT&T stores last week. Here is a breakdown:

• A pair of cell bandits struck at the Fulton Street location on Oct. 19, taking three iPhones and a Blackberry from a display in a brazen 2:30 pm assault.

• Four phone fiends stole an assortment of snazzy devices from the Montague Street location on Oct. 22. An employee told cops that the quartet entered the store between Henry and Clinton streets at around 3:30 pm and stole four Blackberrys, two other smartphones, and an iPhone, worth a total of $3,750. The bozos were caught on camera.

Courtroom caper

Two incidents went down in different court buildings in Downtown.

• A daring thief swiped a woman’s purse while she sat in a courtroom in the Supreme and Family Court building on Jay Street on Oct. 15.

The victim said she was sitting on a bench and reading a book in the building at Johnson Street at around 12:30 pm. But 15 minutes later, she noticed that her bag, containing $51, a cellphone, and an assortment of credit cards and IDs, was gone.

• An opportunistic thief swiped a woman’s bag that she had left on the security scanner at the Civil Court building on Oct. 18.

The victim had forgotten to retrieve her bag after passing through the scanner in the lobby of the building at Livingston and Smith streets at around 12:30 pm. A half-hour later she returned to the scanner, but the bag, containing a Blackberry, IDs and credit cards, $60 and an iPod, was long gone.

Purse swipes

Two purses were pilfered from two clothing stores in Downtown last week. Here are the details:

• A thief swiped a woman’s purse while she shopped at the Pumpkin II clothing store on Jay Street on Oct. 21.

The victim said she had set her bag down along with some merchandise in the store at Willoughby Street at around 12:50 pm. When she returned her attention to it 10 minutes later, it was gone. The thief got $160, and an assortment of credit cards and IDs.

• A crafty bandit stole stuff from a woman’s purse while she shopped in the Conway’s on the Fulton Mall on Oct. 21.

The victim said that she went to pay for some merchandise at the store between Pearl and Jay streets at around 5 pm and noticed that someone had unzipped her purse and taken IDs, credit cards and $15.

• Another thief swiped a woman’s purse who was shopping at the Strawberry on the Fulton Mall on Oct. 22.

Surveillance cameras captured the victim setting down her bag in the store between Elm Place and Bond Street at around 2:10 pm while she looked at merchandise. Moments later, a lady swoops in, swipes the bag containing an assortment of credit cards, a Nook e-reader, an iPod and a cellphone.

F-reak out

A thief stole a dozing straphanger’s wallet while he rode a Brooklyn-bound F train on Oct. 23.

The victim said he woke up at the Jay Street-Borough Hall station at around 8:10 am and realized that his back pocket had been sliced open and that he was missing five credit cards.

Bergen bandit

A thief broke into a Bergen Street apartment on Oct. 22.

A resident at the apartment between Hoyt and Bond streets said he left for work at around 6 am when he noticed that his front door was wide open. Upon further investigation, he noticed a black nylon glove on his back porch, and pry marks on a rear kitchen window, which was ajar. The thief stole an iPod and $150.

Lantern lunacy

A thief broke into the Lantern restaurant on Montague Street and stole the cash register on Oct. 22.

The owner of the Thai joint said he received a call from the security company at around 2 am that an alarm had been tripped in his eatery between Hicks and Henry streets. Upon arriving he noticed that the rear door was open and that the register, containing $600, was gone.

— Stephen Brown

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