Today’s news:

Teen terrors

84th Precinct

Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown

Teenage kicks

A trio of teenage goons went on a violent crime spree on Oct. 28, though two of them ended up in the big house.

Various witnesses told cops that they saw the three rowdy kids start trouble at Bridge and Willoughby streets at around 2:15 pm.

First, the kids sneaked up on another teenager from behind, choked him, and stole his iPod. The teens then continued their reign of terror, raising hell as they made their way to Albee Square and Fulton Street.

Once there, they picked a fight with another teen and knocked him to the ground and kicked his head into the concrete. The thugs then stole the roughed up teen’s PSP and cellphone. Officer Michael Titterton managed to arrest two of the troublemakers, but the third escaped.

Farmer freak

A thief unsympathetic to the locavore movement attempted to steal cash from the register at the Court Street farmer’s market but ended up in handcuffs on Oct. 28.

A worker at the market at Montague Street said he was tending to a customer at around 10:30 am when he noticed the 63-year-old goon opening the register and grabbing $121. The worker then attempted to stop the over-the-hill bozo, and the two got in a scuffle in which the thief used his cane as a weapon. Officer Ywoeh Alrubyai arrived on the scene and slapped the cuffs on the cretin.

Cycle swindle

A not-so-crafty bike thief was caught red-handed by cops on Oct. 27.

Officer Cesar Valerio spied the shady character acting suspiciously at the corner of Wyckoff and Court streets at around 2:30 am. The cretin kept eyeing two chained-up bicycles for about 30 minutes while looking around for any passers-by.

Eventually, the thief made a move for the bikes, and Officer Valerio got a pat on the back for solid police work.

Macy’s menace

An employee at the Macy’s on Fulton Street was caught attempting to pilfer over $1,500 in merchandise on Oct. 29.

Another employee at the department store between Hoyt Street and Gallatin Place told cops that he saw his fellow worker stash the assortment of items in a plastic bag at around 2 pm. The thief then tried to walk out of the store, but was arrested by Officer Lodevil Tynetta.

The department store makes regular appearances in the police blotter, mostly for inside jobs like this.

Locker bandit

A thief took advantage of an exercise lover who turned her locker into an unlocker at the Atlantic Avenue YMCA on Oct. 26.

The physically active victim told cops that she had finished her workout at the gym at Court Street at around 5:30 pm. That’s when she realized the thief had rummaged through her locker and stole an assortment of IDs, a credit card and her leather jacket.

Sub swipe

A thief swiped the wallet and cellphone of a slumbering straphanger as he rode a Coney Island-bound F train on Oct. 28.

The victim told cops he awoke at the York Street station at around 4 am to realize that his wallet was missing from his pocket. He lost a Blackberry, $70, and an assortment of IDs and credit cards.

Car invasions

At least two cars were broken into last week within the confines of the 84th Precinct, here’s a run down:

• A thief smashed the passenger-side window of a 2010 Sonata and stole a navigation system and a fancy $1,300 leather seat on Oct. 30. The owner of the auto told cops she had parked it at Bridge and Tillary streets at around 7:15 am and returned 14 hours later.

• An opportunistic thief took advantage of an absent-minded driver on Oct. 27 and stole her wallet and camera, which she had left in her parked car. The victim told cops that she had parked her 2010 Honda Element on State Street between Third and Flatbush avenues at around 6:30 pm with a window down. Five hours later, her Canon camera and wallet, containing $600, an assortment of credit cards and IDs, were gone.

iSwipe

A quick-handed thief swiped an iPhone from a woman as she texted on Oct. 15.

The victim told cops that she was at the corner of Pacific Street and Third Avenue at around 4 pm when the iThief made his iMove.

Apothe-carried

A MacGyver-like burglar stole $110 from the Heights Apothecary on Atlantic Avenue by hotwiring the security gate on Oct. 31.

A security camera at the charming pharmacy between Henry and Hicks streets captured the thief touching wires and raising the gate at around 4:30 am.

— Stephen Brown

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