Today’s news:

Stan’s question that don’t need answers

Just because a spoken sentence ends in a raised voice or a printed one ends with an eroteme (that’s fancy-speak for a question mark), does that necessarily indicate that one is seeking information or testing knowledge? In most cases, yes, but there are also instances when a particular question is asked merely to make a statement. Here are some from the notes sitting on my desk.

Why are some people still so uptight about President Reagan? My recent mail was sent with the new Ronald Reagan postage stamp. I received a nasty e-mail from a left-wing friend (yes, I have those) accusing me of using that particular stamp just to irritate her. OK, lady, no more birthday cards for you.

How did Michigan become the Muslim capitol of the United States? We’re told that the vast majority of Muslims in the United States are decent, hard-working, honest, stand-up people. A large number of them are very successful. So why don’t we hear them condemn the bad guys?

Have you ever watched the TV show, “To Catch a Predator?” When are those idiots going to learn that the 14-year-old girl they want to rendezvous with is really a 40-year-old cop?

Do they really have to televise those nauseating insecticide commercials at dinnertime?

Is the free Wi-Fi at McDonald’s helping or hurting its business? When I went this morning, there were no seats available because every table was taken by customers working on their laptops. So I enjoyed my Egg McMuffin in the car. Tomorrow I dine at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Why do wedding photographers always seem to come to my table to have us stand up and pose just as I’m about to take my first bite of a hot entrée?

If Sarah Palin is such a non-issue, why does the left wing media follow her around and nit-pick at every word she says?

I remember when we met for lunch and ate lunch. When did we start to “do” lunch?

When did macaroni become pasta? Why don’t more Italian restaurants serve whole wheat macaroni? When did they invent so many different kinds of macaroni sauces? When I was a child my mother had only one macaroni sauce, and it said “Heinz” on the bottle.

The AP calls them suicide bombers. FOX calls them homicide bombers. Which is correct?

• • •

A recent survey asked, “What is your biggest pet peeve about other drivers?” Here are some of the responses along with the percentages of those who chose them:

• Twelve percent dislike drivers who don’t use turn signals.

• Fourteen percent hate drivers who tailgate.

• People who talk on cell phones took 19 percent of the vote.

• And the number one pet peeve … drumroll, please … at 21 percent — drivers who insist on text messaging people.

I know about that. The gal on my right was drifting into my lane. I gave her a friendly toot of the horn.

She gave me the finger.

• • •

Is Obama a socialist? Google the question and read the convincing answers — from both sides.

Why is it that whenever you tell friends that you were up at 3 am they always respond with, “You shudda called me. I’m always up at 3 am.” I am StanGershbein@Bellsouth.net issuing this warning to my friends: tonight, at 3 am, I’m gonna find out if you’re lying.

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