Today’s news:

Four wheeled rampage: Ejected club-goer tries to drive through Emmons Avenue night spot

Ejection rejection

A drunken 38-year-old was arrested on May 8 after he tried to drive his car through an Emmons Avenue nightclub he had just been thrown out of.

Attendees at the Opium Club, which is near Bragg Street, said security threw the upstart out at 2:50 am.

Outraged, the rejected club hopper lumbered to a nearby 1993 Mazda Miata, started the engine and drove off — heading directly toward the club’s front door.

Revelers scrambled out of the way when the car rammed into the club’s staircase, then came to a stop. No injuries were reported.

Responding officers charged the 38-year-old with drunk driving and reckless endangerment.

Pharmacy raid

A gunman raided the V Pharmacy in Sheepshead Bay on May 9, setting off a series of events that resulted in a nearby grammar school being locked down.

Workers at the store, which is located on Avenue V near E. 22nd Street, said the thief entered the store at noon, flashed his gun, and demanded money from the register.

The thief then fled, which prompted a massive search for him. A school across the street was put in lockdown — meaning that no one could enter or leave — as the search continued.

Stabbed in the back

A thug was arrested for jamming a knife into the back of a 34-year-old man on May 2 during an 18th Avenue skirmish.

The victim was arguing with his attacker near 86th Street at 12:08 am when the suspect lunged with his weapon, leaving the victim with injuries that required medical attention.

Always on duty

A 22-year-old was arrested on May 1 after an off-duty cop found him trying to break into cars parked on Benson Avenue.

The narcotics cop was nearing 24th Avenue at 4:30 am when he saw the suspect jiggling door handles.

When the cop intervened, the suspect went ballistic, striking the cop during a failed bid to escape.

Grocery raid

A thief broke into an Avenue U grocery in Gravesend on May 5, taking an assortment of cash and electronics.

Workers at the store, which is located between W. Eighth and W. Ninth streets, said that the thief ripped the rear door off its hinges as he entered sometime after midnight.

Gunning for handbags

A thief pulled a gun on a 46-year-old woman during a May 3 confrontation on 74th Street.

The victim had just entered an apartment building between 21st and 22nd avenues at 11:14 pm when the thief followed her in — with a long-barreled pistol in his hand.

“Give me your phone, b---h, or I’ll shoot you,” the man threatened.

Frightened, the woman dropped her handbag, which contained her phone, as well as some jewelry, and ran off.

All smashed up

A thief broke into a 2010 Chevrolet Traverse parked at the Sheepshead Bay UA movie theater on May 7, taking an iPod Touch.

The owner of the car parked his vehicle near the corner of Knapp Street and Harkness Avenue at 5:40 pm. When he returned shortly after 8 pm, the front passenger window had been shattered.

Boat break-in

A pirate broke into a boat moored in the water near the corner of Emmons Avenue and Dooley Street on May 6, taking $70 and an assortment of snacks.

The owner of the small ship, which is used in a boating course, said someone boarded the vessel sometime between 3 and 4:30 am

Booze bilk

Someone broke into the Marmaris restaurant on Emmons Avenue on May 2, taking enough beer and wine to cater a small party.

Workers at the restaurant, which is near Batchelder Street, said that the thief forced open a side door to the eatery around 1:30 am. More than 20 cases of beer, two bottles of wine, a laptop computer and a black bicycle were taken, workers told police.

Goldstein raid

Thieves swiped nine laptop computers from Leon Goldstein High School on Shore Boulevard.

Administrators at the school, which is near Decateur Avenue in Manhattan Beach, reported the computers missing on April 28. They were last seen in a school classroom — which students and staff had access to — on April 15.

Not kosher

Talk about an un-kosher crime!

Two crooks grabbed more than $2,000 from Dave’s Strictly Kosher Meat Market on Nostrand Avenue on April 28.

Workers at the store, which is between Avenues V and W, say that the thieves entered at 3:25 pm pretending to be customers.

As one thief distracted a worker, his partner jumped over the counter and grabbed a bag containing the money.

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